Tuesday, February 1, 2011
It's my party and I'll cry if I want too
This blog is written for me and expresses how I feel. I know it's not the right thing or even the acceptable thing to have some feelings. But hey this is real life. My life. You can't tell people how to feel. If I could, I would surely change feelings within my own family. My children come from many different backgrounds. Some birth mothers were unselfish and put the needs of their children first. They were placed at birth or very early. However some of my children come from very traumatic backgrounds, with both parents being on drugs or doing time in prison for selling drugs. I've actually heard a birth mother say she had a new life, a new boyfriend, a new job and didn't want her children. Some of my children can tell horror stories of being burnt by irons, choked, eating dog food, sleeping on cold floors with roaches and rats and many other unthinkable, unpostable, things. They have had to come to terms with their past. Through therapy, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselors, pastors, friends, teachers, family and most important God. Yet they still hold on to their past. It is who they are, it's what made them. That is why I choose to let them have contact with birth family. Their birth family is part of them. Not who they are, because we all have free choice. Who knows maybe they will grow up and impact their birth family enough to change the whole future of their family. If Jesus can forgive me of all the mistakes in life that I make then I too can forgive. Is it easy? No. But it is what I choose. Not because it's in an agreement or even that it was agreed to at the time of the adoption. I choose because it's what I think is best for my child. I love some of my children's birth parents. Not because they do anything for me. But because they give the kids permission to move on in life. Just because they aren't being raised by them doesn't mean they can't have a relationship later with them. We are all human and make mistakes. Some mistakes leave scars that last longer then others. Some scars never fade, but are lived with all their lives. I too have a past that has made me who I am. Trauma effects us all in different ways. Hopefully I'm taking my past and helping someone else deal with theirs. And in return they will help and so on and so on. That's my plan anyway.