Friday, January 28, 2011

Keeping up with Birth family

I love my children. I know they love me, unfortunately I have to share the love. I'd like to say I'm oh so great, that talking about birth parents with my kids doesn't bother me. But I'd be lying. I do try my very hardest to see everything through the eyes of my child. Sometimes I really have to ask the Lord to help me here. I'm the one wiping noses, tying shoes, helping with homework, cleaning vomit, attending school meetings, redirecting, breaking up arguments, cooking, cleaning, loosing sleep, screaming, yelling, and sometimes feel like for what? Let a birth parent show up at a basketball game, or call, or just show up. BAM! The kids fall over themselves. It doesn't matter if it's been a month or a year. The kids love their bio parents no matter what. Sometime I feel like I'm in competition with them. WHY do I do this. It is so hard not to be jealous and even not to feel strong dislike ( I'd use hate here except I won't let my kids use the word) for the parents. I'm parenting their/my children, what right do they have to have the kids love them in return. I've learned through many years to live with this. just smile and act like it's an aunt or a good friend. I hold all my feelings in. I only express it to other adoptive moms or Keith or my adult bio daughters. I've learned they still love me. I've learned they will always love their birth mothers, always. Even when they remember something awful that happen to them. Even when their mothers walked out, and never looked back. They still love them. It seems they feel like they are indebted to them. I have found that working with the birth mothers is to my benefit. If I can get the mothers permission for the child to love me, then it is so much easier for the kid. They feel so guilty pledging alliance to me. My motto is You Can Love Us both. As my example I use my grandmother. I loved her. Very Very much. I could never have chosen between her and my mother. Never. That is what I want for my adopted children. I want them to love us both. So far, I've got it worked out. So far. I never bad mouth parents. I never say "well if they weren't druggies, or if they wanted you. Or anything that they could take as offensive. I just say. You know mom made a bad choice. or dad just didn't follow through. or mom didn't have the support. or mom didn't have a mom like me , who would make you do the right thing by your children. Or a million other things i come up with. I hope that in raising them with love and compassion, teaching them about the choices life gives you and helping them to understand what happened to them that they can grow, and mature, and come out as an adult strong and mentally healthy. With no what ifs. I hope they can understand all people are different. And you never know what decision you will make until you walk in the same shoes. If they can have a reltationship with this mom and that mom, then just maybe they can take the best of both of us and be the best they can be!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

This handsome young man just turned 17 years old. I have to admit parenting him has been one of my biggest challenges. Everything he does he does BIG! If he acts up it's big, but when he behaves he does it up right! Up until July of 2010 he struggled with lots of issues. But after our camping ordeal he just decided to act up BIG again, but this time it was act up RIGHT. He has been so well behaved. It's like he grew up overnight. God answered my prayers and them some. He passed all his classes in school. He is polite, courteous, well mannered, and pleasant to be around. I really don't know what happened. He just clicked. I sure hope he keeps up the good work. It's been 6 months now and I am so proud of him. If I have this much success with all my children I will be one proud mama. Thank you Lord! Keep up the good work Marvin, I love you lots and I'm so proud of you.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Back we Go

Well we made it. The children were fairly well behaved the last part of the week. They were ready to go back to school and I was ready for them to go back too. Now I have a ton of appointments to catch up on. I had cancelled some from the Christmas break and then had to reschedule some from our snow days, now I'm booked up into February. Cora gets her braces off Thursday. 2 long years. She is so excited. Anthony still has a few months left and Selena and Kieanna both have about a year left. I have 2 more that need them, but we are taking a break from the payments and trying to focus on paying off some debt. I would really like to have a new van but I am not going in debt for one. I may not ever be out from under my mortgage but debt free on everything else sounds really good and that's my goal. How did I get on finances?

We took the youngest kids to a Lady Dogs basketball game Sunday afternoon. They all had a really good time. The teenagers went to the Winterfest Concert. They were all so excited. At midnight I was listening to what the bands had on, how the platforms rose, and what songs they all sang. Good memories, good times. Thanks to our Church for providing the opportunity. I'm sure the kids will be all abuzz about it at school today. School today, sounds so good!

Thursday, January 13, 2011


I am tired of this weather. The snow was nice, and I can tolerate some ice, and being home bound for a couple of days. But Seriously, No School all week? If this had been better planned and they could go outside it wouldn't be so bad. They are all so tired of being indoors. No one wants to watch TV even though they had a new movie to watch. Thanks to Tab for venturing out in this. No one wants to play with anything they got for Christmas. No game system, no board games, no Barbies, no Lego's, no Nothing! I have used up all of my patience. As soon as I got upset with them, they all looked at me like "what we do"? So for right now they are getting along. I did banish 3 to their rooms and told them to FIND something to do. They are all so unappreciative. Even the teens are going stir crazy. Family Fun hasn't been in our vocabulary this week. They were all really well behaved during Christmas break. I guess the excitement kept them in line. I did have lots of activities planned and we cooked and baked lots of sweets. Maybe they need some sugar? Nah! Maybe a nap. Now that's an idea.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Keeping them busy

The teenagers had a retreat this weekend and are gone Saturday thru Sunday afternoon. All the elementary kids had fun playing inside. I think the play dough and bendaroos held their attention the longest. It looks like snow on Monday for us and that means children being indoors. The play pretty well together but need supervision because everyone has to take turns and no one wants too. They all want to play the same thing at the same time. I know they will want to play in the snow some but won't be able to stay out long. What in the world did children do in the past when they were snowed in for a week by a blizzard? UGH! At least I can sleep late (8am)!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

School Resumes!

Woo Hoo! School started back on Wednesday and I was so ready. I was ready for it to be out in December and enjoyed the break with the kids. But they get restless after a while and want to be entertained. To start with it's fun but then they use the "B" word......bored. Now you would think that with all the new stuff they got for Christmas, they could not possibly be bored. It does help if they can play out side everyday, but if the weather is too cold or rainy, then their bored. I usually try and find a chore that needs doing ( I don't have to look too hard for that) and start assigning jobs. Sometimes they surprise me and take on the challenge, like cleaning out a closet, or rearranging a room. Most of the time they get the message pretty quick and find something to do themselves.

During the Holiday's 4 of my teenage girls did something that really touched my heart. Two of the girls hold a job and the other two do odd jobs for their grown sisters who live next door. I request that they don't buy me gifts for Christmas or my birthday. Usually they do anyway and I do appreciate it. I don't need anything, and know they work hard for their money and need to spend it on themselves. I do love that they have giving hearts. My most treasured gifts are memories of them being happy and well behaved and of homemade/handmade gifts. This is true if you check out our Christmas tree as it is full of handmade treasures from years past. Even Tabitha who is 31 has a handmade ornament from the 1st grade still hanging on my tree. However, I was most amazed at my (our) gift this year. Krishawanda, Destinee, Kieanna and Selena treated Keith and I as was well as Staisha and Josh out to dinner. I don't mean they bought us dinner. I mean they cooked us dinner. A lot of planning and preparation went into this. Tabitha was out of town for a few days. She lives next door. The girls got together and prepared us dinner at her house. Not just a quick meal, but a NICE dinner. They used a cook book Krishawanda had ask for at Christmas. They went to Publix and purchased every single item they needed. Even right down to the sugar. It was Delicious. We had rosemary pork loin, German hot potatoes, steamed broccoli with cheese sauce and mushroom spinach salad. To top it off the table was sat with my best China (my only China) my nicest silverware (the stuff we don't use everyday because they throw spoons in the trash) and wine glasses (borrowed). Our drink was bubbly white grape juice chilled on ice (just like champagne). Dessert was absolutely the best cake I have ever eaten. And I mean that sincerely. It is my new favorite. Selena baby sat with the kids while Keith and I walked next door and was greeted by a waitress and seated. It was SO nice! At first I didn't really want to go. I thought they were going a little too far with the secret meal and mom you can't wear sweats speech. BUT OH I was so glad I played along. They really did something I will never forget. They also all worked together to make this happen. (and when you put 4 teenage girls/sisters together and expect them to work together without any adult supervision, well that's a miracle in itself!) They also rented us a movie and had us come home go into our room and shut the door. They didn't let any of the children in ( or past a certain point). It was probably one of the best evenings of my life as a mother. Not only was the meal superb, the movie time excellent, but the thought and time put into this was just over the top. A big thank you to my sweet teenage girls. It was much enjoyed!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year 2011

2010 was a very good year for us. We are so wonderfully blessed and favored by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. As I look back and realize what all He has brought us through, I am amazed. Like my children, I sometimes mess up and have to say I'm sorry. Jesus always forgives me and with mercy and grace, gives me a clean slate every day. I, too, try to forgive my children for their mistakes. You can not be consumed by bitterness and unforgiveness. Life is too short. My resolution for this year is this: "Live life everyday remembering that it could be my last. Let my children know how much they are loved and cherished. Spend as much time as I can making good memories" (and I'd like to say lose weight). Memories are something that one can't have taken away. In 5 years, you won't remember what pair of shoes you had on, but you will remember being outside in the snow making snow angels and throwing snow balls with your kids. I had the chance to re-connect with some of my family through a sad occasion. Its terrible that it took something sad to bring us all together, but I really enjoyed the time spent with them. goes by so fast!