My Stars

While Hollywood may never know what bright stars they are, they sure do light up my world.

Surgery, Birthday, and Girls night out

Marvin fell while skiing with friends December 27 and hurt his knee. Doctor said it was only a sprain. January8th he fell again while playing laser tag. This time it was a trip to the ER. They referred him to a specialist. Thursday he ended up having surgery. Everything went great with the injury not being as bad as the MRI had predicted. (probably had something to do with prayer) He is healing nicely and will return to school tomorrow.



Promise celebrated her 13th birthday. She is now officially a teenager, although she has acted like one for 3 or 4 years. I have a special day planned for her tomorrow, because Friday I had several appointments with Marvin to follow up on.



Tonight my sister-in -law and I had a girls night out. We saw a movie and had dinner at Chili's. Sometimes I forget how to act without my kids or Keith along. I did have a good time and hope to do it again soon.



We were really blessed in church today. God is so good. We have only been attending this church about 2 months now, but it meets our needs so well. We went to a mega church for about 7 years. The pastor is a great man of God, but a mega church and a mega family doesn't match. I had to stand in line a very long time to sign my kids in and out of children's church. I know if someone had gotten really sick the pastor would not have been able to pray for us personally and probably would not have known who we were. We attended another small church for a little over 2 years but it just wasn't what the teenagers wanted. And keeping my teenagers in church and maintaining a personal relationship between them and the Lord is very important to me. During the 2 years we also visited another church for several services and found out quick it wasn't the right one. In fact it caused lots of problems within my family. So I've prayed a lot about us finding a church close to home, and one the teenagers would feel comfortable in as well as grow with the Lord in. I think I found it! The kids don't dread going, and neither do I. I also feel like I can be myself. Thank you Lord for all our blessings.

Army bound!

Krishawanda is on her to have her physical for the army today. This picture was taken this past summer at Fort Jackson. Destinee joined the national guard and we went down for family day. Krishawanda choose the Army as did Brian. I am so proud of them all. With Krishawanda in the Army, America's enemies don't stand a chance.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want too

This blog is written for me and expresses how I feel. I know it's not the right thing or even the acceptable thing to have some feelings. But hey this is real life. My life. You can't tell people how to feel. If I could, I would surely change feelings within my own family. My children come from many different backgrounds. Some birth mothers were unselfish and put the needs of their children first. They were placed at birth or very early. However some of my children come from very traumatic backgrounds, with both parents being on drugs or doing time in prison for selling drugs. I've actually heard a birth mother say she had a new life, a new boyfriend, a new job and didn't want her children. Some of my children can tell horror stories of being burnt by irons, choked, eating dog food, sleeping on cold floors with roaches and rats and many other unthinkable, unpostable, things. They have had to come to terms with their past. Through therapy, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselors, pastors, friends, teachers, family and most important God. Yet they still hold on to their past. It is who they are, it's what made them. That is why I choose to let them have contact with birth family. Their birth family is part of them. Not who they are, because we all have free choice. Who knows maybe they will grow up and impact their birth family enough to change the whole future of their family. If Jesus can forgive me of all the mistakes in life that I make then I too can forgive. Is it easy? No. But it is what I choose. Not because it's in an agreement or even that it was agreed to at the time of the adoption. I choose because it's what I think is best for my child. I love some of my children's birth parents. Not because they do anything for me. But because they give the kids permission to move on in life. Just because they aren't being raised by them doesn't mean they can't have a relationship later with them. We are all human and make mistakes. Some mistakes leave scars that last longer then others. Some scars never fade, but are lived with all their lives. I too have a past that has made me who I am. Trauma effects us all in different ways. Hopefully I'm taking my past and helping someone else deal with theirs. And in return they will help and so on and so on. That's my plan anyway.

Keeping up with Birth family

I love my children. I know they love me, unfortunately I have to share the love. I'd like to say I'm oh so great, that talking about birth parents with my kids doesn't bother me. But I'd be lying. I do try my very hardest to see everything through the eyes of my child. Sometimes I really have to ask the Lord to help me here. I'm the one wiping noses, tying shoes, helping with homework, cleaning vomit, attending school meetings, redirecting, breaking up arguments, cooking, cleaning, loosing sleep, screaming, yelling, and sometimes feel like for what? Let a birth parent show up at a basketball game, or call, or just show up. BAM! The kids fall over themselves. It doesn't matter if it's been a month or a year. The kids love their bio parents no matter what. Sometime I feel like I'm in competition with them. WHY do I do this. It is so hard not to be jealous and even not to feel strong dislike ( I'd use hate here except I won't let my kids use the word) for the parents. I'm parenting their/my children, what right do they have to have the kids love them in return. I've learned through many years to live with this. just smile and act like it's an aunt or a good friend. I hold all my feelings in. I only express it to other adoptive moms or Keith or my adult bio daughters. I've learned they still love me. I've learned they will always love their birth mothers, always. Even when they remember something awful that happen to them. Even when their mothers walked out, and never looked back. They still love them. It seems they feel like they are indebted to them. I have found that working with the birth mothers is to my benefit. If I can get the mothers permission for the child to love me, then it is so much easier for the kid. They feel so guilty pledging alliance to me. My motto is You Can Love Us both. As my example I use my grandmother. I loved her. Very Very much. I could never have chosen between her and my mother. Never. That is what I want for my adopted children. I want them to love us both. So far, I've got it worked out. So far. I never bad mouth parents. I never say "well if they weren't druggies, or if they wanted you. Or anything that they could take as offensive. I just say. You know mom made a bad choice. or dad just didn't follow through. or mom didn't have the support. or mom didn't have a mom like me , who would make you do the right thing by your children. Or a million other things i come up with. I hope that in raising them with love and compassion, teaching them about the choices life gives you and helping them to understand what happened to them that they can grow, and mature, and come out as an adult strong and mentally healthy. With no what ifs. I hope they can understand all people are different. And you never know what decision you will make until you walk in the same shoes. If they can have a reltationship with this mom and that mom, then just maybe they can take the best of both of us and be the best they can be!

This handsome young man just turned 17 years old. I have to admit parenting him has been one of my biggest challenges. Everything he does he does BIG! If he acts up it's big, but when he behaves he does it up right! Up until July of 2010 he struggled with lots of issues. But after our camping ordeal he just decided to act up BIG again, but this time it was act up RIGHT. He has been so well behaved. It's like he grew up overnight. God answered my prayers and them some. He passed all his classes in school. He is polite, courteous, well mannered, and pleasant to be around. I really don't know what happened. He just clicked. I sure hope he keeps up the good work. It's been 6 months now and I am so proud of him. If I have this much success with all my children I will be one proud mama. Thank you Lord! Keep up the good work Marvin, I love you lots and I'm so proud of you.

Back we Go

Well we made it. The children were fairly well behaved the last part of the week. They were ready to go back to school and I was ready for them to go back too. Now I have a ton of appointments to catch up on. I had cancelled some from the Christmas break and then had to reschedule some from our snow days, now I'm booked up into February. Cora gets her braces off Thursday. 2 long years. She is so excited. Anthony still has a few months left and Selena and Kieanna both have about a year left. I have 2 more that need them, but we are taking a break from the payments and trying to focus on paying off some debt. I would really like to have a new van but I am not going in debt for one. I may not ever be out from under my mortgage but debt free on everything else sounds really good and that's my goal. How did I get on finances?

We took the youngest kids to a Lady Dogs basketball game Sunday afternoon. They all had a really good time. The teenagers went to the Winterfest Concert. They were all so excited. At midnight I was listening to what the bands had on, how the platforms rose, and what songs they all sang. Good memories, good times. Thanks to our Church for providing the opportunity. I'm sure the kids will be all abuzz about it at school today. School today, sounds so good!