Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Home School

I have a child who struggles in school. She has an IEP and has had behavior issues in the past. She is in 5th grade now. She is tall for her age and very pretty. She has a low IQ and is easy talked into things. She is 11 and wants to look and act 17. I kid you not. She could pass for 15 or 16 for sure. She wants to wear make up and dress inappropriate. So what am I to do? I have her in therapy, I communicate with the school, I have talked to her and have had her sisters talk to her. She just will not make good choices. This past Friday someone saw her at school and later remarked they didn't know she (this child) was allowed to wear makeup. She's not. OH well she sure had on makeup and large hoop ear rings. We had issues last year about earrings. She stole my earrings and had her picture taken in them and then brought me the picture. So she was told she could not wear jewelry. When I ask her about this of coarse she denied it all. Finally she said her friends gave them to her. Sexual abuse was never proven in her past but could not be ruled out either. I am really concerned. My solution: HOME SCHOOL. BUT her therapist doesn't think that's the answer. The school principal is very supporting and said she would back my decision but she really wants this child to go to school. I have ask a psychologist, a social worker, a teacher(not hers) her pediatrician, her bio sisters, her grown sisters, and I am still not close to an answer. This little girl has a big smile. She can melt your heart. She purposely makes people feel sorry for her. She can be a great help. I do feel like she is attached, she wants a lot of attention. So I think If I home schooled her she would get the one on one she is craving from me in a positive way. The psychologist thought getting the school counselor involved might be a good idea. I'm not so sure. Most school counselors are young and have no clue how to deal with problems in adopted children. They are not the same as a child that has not suffered trauma. If I let her go I am going to put her in a uniform. Jeans, polo, and tennis shoes. I tried this with a teenager once who was caught wearing inappropriate clothes and it worked great! After a quarter of that she was ready to comply with mama's dress code. I think I will also go in to her class a couple of days a week with out her knowing I'm coming. This may cause problems with other kids because they would all love for me to come in with them. I just can't. I have too many appointments with other kids to go visit at school . I will have to schedule visits to her class in my calender. I don't mind doing this if I know it will work, but I JUST DON"T KNOW. I have said before if she misbehaved at school again I would pull her out and home school her. Well she hasn't gotten in any trouble at school but has gotten into trouble at home about 5 times since school started. And I don't mean minor kid stuff, but serious issues of lying, stealing, and major rule breaking. So I'm on the fence. Home school or not!


  1. Home school. Go with your instinct. Even if you just do it this year and put her back in public school next year, it might give her the reassurance or attention that she is seeking. It would pull her out of the social environment that is a temptation for her and allow her to grow up a little more before placing her back into that environment. It might give you a chance to gain further insight into this particular child and what will help her best. Maybe that would allow her to "wear" the make up at home, but not outside the home. This might satisfy some of her needs regarding her physical appearance, but if it is at home then it is not hurting her, more like allowing her to play dress up. Also, teach her to wear make up appropriately so that you can't tell your wearing it. Just an idea. Mostly, it would allow her to be around you more which would strenghten the attachment and I know it would aid in her development. That's my 2 cents (actually, more like $1) worth on the subject...LOL I also like the uniform idea and that would work in school or at home. I think you are doing a great job!